Timing Really Might Be Everything

By Lisa SugarmanThe older I get the more I realize that life is all about timing. I know this is a pretty simple and obvious idea, but it’s amazingly true when you really think about it. Things just seem to have a much bigger impact on us when we’re open and ready for them. Things like getting married and having kids, losing weight, or writing a newspaper column. They’re all more meaningful when you’re ready and the timing is right.Friendships are like that, too. They’re affected by chemistry for sure, but even more by simple timing. People come and go in our lives for so many different reasons and if you stop and think about why you’re friends with certain people at certain times it usually makes perfect sense.There are umpteen different kinds depending on what period of life we’re talking about. The playgroup friends from when your kids were little, work friends, pre-kid friends, basketball league and book club friends. Some come and then go, while others stay pretty constant. Then there are those who bounce in and out at different points. Yet all are influenced by the timing of when they occur. All are valuable, even the negative ones. All have meaning. And all of them help define who we are.I can think back over dozens of friendships I’ve had over the years that seemed like they’d go the distance and for no other reason than timing they just slipped away. Maybe someone moved or your kids changed schools or you ski every weekend so you’re not around as much. It’s not necessarily that the feelings changed it’s just that the timing was off. The irony is, hardly any ended badly; they just took on a different feel. And I think that’s just what happens.It’s those cyclical friendships, though, that have really been on my mind lately. You know, the ones that are like vintage clothes: they always seems to come back around and fit just right at different times. Maybe that’s because the vintage stuff is crafted differently, like our oldest friendships. They’re bound together in a different way. If you think about it, most of the old stuff we all have lying around tends to outlast the new stuff. Not because the new stuff isn’t good but because the old stuff is made a different way. The old stuff is forged differently so it’s got different durability.I think in some way we all lament the changing of our friendships, especially the ones that seem to have faded. But I don’t think we should. I think we should appreciate that things happen for a reason and exactly when they’re supposed to and that the history and emotions that bind us to people endures. So don’t write off those jazz shoes from high school just yet… they’ll probably be back.Lisa Sugarman lives in Marblehead, Massachusetts. Read and discuss all her columns at facebook.com/ItisWhatitisColumn OR read her blog at http://itiswhatitiscolumn.wordpress.com.